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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: July 26th, 2016, 10:54 pm 
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Q- What do you call a Nun on a Motorcycle?

A- Virgin mobile.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
I would like the strength to change that which I can not tolerate, and tolerate that which I can not change.


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: August 8th, 2016, 3:26 pm 
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I've just bought a gun from a tyrannosaurus Rex. He's a small arms dealer.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
I would like the strength to change that which I can not tolerate, and tolerate that which I can not change.


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: August 13th, 2016, 7:56 pm 
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Don't get a loan from long John silver, he charges such pi-rates.....

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: August 17th, 2016, 4:51 pm 
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the difference between finished and complete.

If a man is with the right woman he is complete
If a man if with the wrong woman he is finished
If a man is with the right woman and she finds him with the wrong woman he is completely finished.

All the best.

Greg

_________________
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
I would like the strength to change that which I can not tolerate, and tolerate that which I can not change.


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: August 23rd, 2016, 12:51 am 
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Why did the ant dance on top of the jam jar lid? It said twist to open :ha:


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: September 5th, 2016, 10:50 pm 
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During a recent web search I came across a page titled, Conjunctivitus.com
That was a site for sore eyes.

Nigel


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: September 6th, 2016, 11:54 am 
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One of the guys at work is trying to get me to become an organ donor.
Seems like a man after my own heart.

Nigel


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: September 6th, 2016, 1:19 pm 
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:lol:

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: October 30th, 2016, 9:13 am 
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Onto the Clever Stuff, Now.

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I did my first cage fight today...............................that budgie didn't know what hit it!!!!

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: October 30th, 2016, 2:19 pm 
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GeorgeSweety wrote:
I did my first cage fight today...............................that budgie didn't know what hit it!!!!

:lol: :lol:

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: November 20th, 2016, 11:09 am 
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Onto the Clever Stuff, Now.

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A man walks in to the Doctors and says "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's and my T's". The Doctor says "Well you can't say fairer than that then!"

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: November 20th, 2016, 11:17 am 
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Onto the Clever Stuff, Now.

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A man walks into a bar with a dog. The Barman says I'm not serving you as we don't allow dogs in the bar. The man says "But it is a special dog!". The Barman says "Why is it special?, it looks like any other mutt to me". The man say "Its a Blacksmith!". The Barman says "You're joking!". The man says "No!.....if I kick him in the balls he'll make a bolt for the door!".

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: November 20th, 2016, 3:18 pm 
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GeorgeSweety wrote:
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The Barman says I'm not serving you as we don't allow dogs in the bar. The man says "But it is a special dog!". The Barman says "Why is it special?, it looks like any other mutt to me". The man say "Its a Blacksmith!". The Barman says "You're joking!". The man says "No!.....if I kick him in the balls he'll make a bolt for the door!".

GeorgeSweety wrote:
A man walks in to the Doctors and says "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's and my T's". The Doctor says "Well you can't say fairer than that then!"

:lol: :lol:

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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: December 17th, 2016, 6:08 pm 
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Time for an old but topical one.

It was time for Santa to have his check ride and the CAA/FAA inspector was climbing aboard the sleigh. Santa was rather surprised to see that the inspector was carrying a shotgun and he asked him ''what's that for?'' His reply was ''I'm not supposed to tell you this but you're gonna lose an engine on take off'''

All the best.

Greg

_________________
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
I would like the strength to change that which I can not tolerate, and tolerate that which I can not change.


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The Old Joke Thread
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PostPosted: December 18th, 2016, 3:29 pm 
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Gregers wrote:
Time for an old but topical one.

It was time for Santa to have his check ride and the CAA/FAA inspector was climbing aboard the sleigh. Santa was rather surprised to see that the inspector was carrying a shotgun and he asked him ''what's that for?'' His reply was ''I'm not supposed to tell you this but you're gonna lose an engine on take off'''

All the best.

Greg


I did this one this time last year. You tea leaf you!! :ha:


MarkyM607 wrote:
Apologies if this has been done before but here goes...

It's a few days before Christmas and Santa is checking over the sleigh, the reins and harnesses and the general condition of the Reindeer. Satisfied with all this he hooks everyone up to the reins, harnesses and the like, secures them to the sleigh and does one last walk around. Suddenly he notices a man approaching carrying a clipboard and looking 'very official'.
"Who are you?." Santa asks.
"I'm from the CAA (or FAA if you prefer!!), I'm here to do a pre-flight check over of your equipment and yourself before your flight time."
"Okay." Says Santa. The man goes around everything, repeating what Santa has just done and making notes. Once satisfied he turns to Santa.
"Okay, shall we go for a test flight, see how your piloting skills are, whether you're ready?."
"Certainly" Santa says climbing into the sleigh. As he does so the man joins him and Santa, with some alarm, notices the man has a shotgun. "What's that for?."
"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this really, but your about to lose an engine on take-off."
:grin:

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