The Old Joke Thread

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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

Don't get a loan from long John silver, he charges such pi-rates.....
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
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Gregers
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by Gregers »

the difference between finished and complete.

If a man is with the right woman he is complete
If a man if with the wrong woman he is finished
If a man is with the right woman and she finds him with the wrong woman he is completely finished.

All the best.

Greg
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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celt
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by celt »

Why did the ant dance on top of the jam jar lid? It said twist to open :ha:
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Clashcityrocker
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by Clashcityrocker »

During a recent web search I came across a page titled, Conjunctivitus.com
That was a site for sore eyes.

Nigel
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Clashcityrocker
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by Clashcityrocker »

One of the guys at work is trying to get me to become an organ donor.
Seems like a man after my own heart.

Nigel
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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

:lol:
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
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GeorgeSweety
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by GeorgeSweety »

I did my first cage fight today...............................that budgie didn't know what hit it!!!!
Brute force and ignorance wins every time.
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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

GeorgeSweety wrote:I did my first cage fight today...............................that budgie didn't know what hit it!!!!
:lol: :lol:
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
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GeorgeSweety
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by GeorgeSweety »

A man walks in to the Doctors and says "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's and my T's". The Doctor says "Well you can't say fairer than that then!"
Brute force and ignorance wins every time.
GeorgeSweety
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by GeorgeSweety »

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The Barman says I'm not serving you as we don't allow dogs in the bar. The man says "But it is a special dog!". The Barman says "Why is it special?, it looks like any other mutt to me". The man say "Its a Blacksmith!". The Barman says "You're joking!". The man says "No!.....if I kick him in the balls he'll make a bolt for the door!".
Brute force and ignorance wins every time.
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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

GeorgeSweety wrote:A man walks into a bar with a dog. The Barman says I'm not serving you as we don't allow dogs in the bar. The man says "But it is a special dog!". The Barman says "Why is it special?, it looks like any other mutt to me". The man say "Its a Blacksmith!". The Barman says "You're joking!". The man says "No!.....if I kick him in the balls he'll make a bolt for the door!".
GeorgeSweety wrote:A man walks in to the Doctors and says "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's and my T's". The Doctor says "Well you can't say fairer than that then!"
:lol: :lol:
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
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Gregers
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by Gregers »

Time for an old but topical one.

It was time for Santa to have his check ride and the CAA/FAA inspector was climbing aboard the sleigh. Santa was rather surprised to see that the inspector was carrying a shotgun and he asked him ''what's that for?'' His reply was ''I'm not supposed to tell you this but you're gonna lose an engine on take off'''

All the best.

Greg
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

Gregers wrote:Time for an old but topical one.

It was time for Santa to have his check ride and the CAA/FAA inspector was climbing aboard the sleigh. Santa was rather surprised to see that the inspector was carrying a shotgun and he asked him ''what's that for?'' His reply was ''I'm not supposed to tell you this but you're gonna lose an engine on take off'''

All the best.

Greg
I did this one this time last year. You tea leaf you!! :ha:

MarkyM607 wrote:Apologies if this has been done before but here goes...

It's a few days before Christmas and Santa is checking over the sleigh, the reins and harnesses and the general condition of the Reindeer. Satisfied with all this he hooks everyone up to the reins, harnesses and the like, secures them to the sleigh and does one last walk around. Suddenly he notices a man approaching carrying a clipboard and looking 'very official'.
"Who are you?." Santa asks.
"I'm from the CAA (or FAA if you prefer!!), I'm here to do a pre-flight check over of your equipment and yourself before your flight time."
"Okay." Says Santa. The man goes around everything, repeating what Santa has just done and making notes. Once satisfied he turns to Santa.
"Okay, shall we go for a test flight, see how your piloting skills are, whether you're ready?."
"Certainly" Santa says climbing into the sleigh. As he does so the man joins him and Santa, with some alarm, notices the man has a shotgun. "What's that for?."
"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this really, but your about to lose an engine on take-off."
:grin:
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
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Gregers
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by Gregers »

MarkyM607 wrote: I did this one this time last year. You tea leaf you!! :ha:
I knew I'd heard it some place before but didn't think it was here. Besides, your version is better.

All the best.

Greg
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
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MarkyM607
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Re: The Old Joke Thread

Post by MarkyM607 »

Gregers wrote:
MarkyM607 wrote: I did this one this time last year. You tea leaf you!! :ha:
I knew I'd heard it some place before but didn't think it was here. Besides, your version is better.

All the best.

Greg
Very kind!. But seeing as it's you I'll let you off!!. :ha:
Hoping to return to modelling sometime this year!! :lol:
Owner of Marky's Model Emporium since 2013!.
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