Marky's Mum!

[MarkyM607]

I will try not to ramble on too long, if i do just stop reading, it's cool!! .
Basically, my Mum has dementia/alzheimers, mainly over the last three years it's been short term memory that's been playing her up. We've handled this fairly well although dad has struggled to adjust and adapt, as he's known her longer than me(!!!) in her 'non-dementia' self.
Two monday's back (6th I think), she had the first of what I call 'episodes' where she couldn't find dad and was sure he wasn't in the house, even though he was in front of her. She thought he was my late Uncle Donald, she wouldn't accept what I said when I told her it was dad/husband, and she was quite irritated and determined not to believe what I said. Eventually we sorted it out and she was fine half and hour later!!. Didn't even remember it!.
We had tiny bits of the same but minor considerably from what happened that Monday, until last night and we had a full on episode, she was confused, upset, didn't know where dad had gone and even when I said he was out practicing on his mobility scooter he just got, she got upset that he'd gone out without telling her, which he's 'never done'. It got so bad I ended up going next door to ask the lady there to come round, I hoped some female company would work and also let her relax by having a natter. It seemed to work wonders and mum was okay eventually, although she remembered this time and kept apologising!. I told her it wasn't her fault it was the dementia, but everyone was teary and stressed. Anyway, without boring you more, it is one of the main reasons why I do not build that fast, or feel like it on many occasions and I just wanted to share that, at least for the GBL's who may wonder if I'm still involved. But I make no excuse for putting her and dad first, she has done more for other people, and me (and dad), than is her fair share, and she is my Mum. So she comes first.
I do intend to carry on, as disrupting life can make it worse for everyone at home, i just needed to explain and get it off my chest. Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Stay safe and be happy if possible.
Marky.
(P.S. there may be other minor medical issues that affect her dementia so we're working on those, if we can get in the Doctors!!)

[general rocket]

Keep strong.

[Gregers]

Hi Mark.
Having seen what this terrible thing did to my wife's Grandma I can really empathize with you. All I can say is try and keep strong, take each day as it comes, count each blessing and hold them dear. You are right to say your Mum and Family come first but also remember that you need time for yourself sometimes, and hitting the plastic is very therapeutic and a great escape from reality. Remember that you have friends on here who do not mind listening when you need a friendly ear.

All the best.

Greg

[ShaunW]

Let it out, Mark, that's what we are here for Alzheimer's is awful, my late father had it for the last few years of his otherwise thankfully long and healthy life. Stay safe and if you find it helps don't hesitate to sound off if things start to get on top of you. All the best to your mum and I know you and your dad will do all you can to keep her as happy as possible.

[Andy Dighton]

Mark. So sorry to hear this. We've gone through this a fair bit in our family. First with my late mother-in-law and now with my wife's aunt(who she is very close to and my step mother. If you ever need someone to vent to, just drop me a message.

[TeeELL]

Mark,
I fully understand as my mum got dementia and gradually deteriorated over a fair few years. Physically she was as fit as a flea unlike my dad who was mentally fine but physically challenged. It meant, when she ‘escaped’ the flat he had to shuffle to his mobility scooter and ‘scoot off’ to find her and persuade her to return. I gues I ‘lost’ my mum about 3 years before she passed.
You truly have my sympathy.

[beany]

Afraid to say I've been there, done that and got the T-shirt Mark and my whole heart goes out to you as I still remember
the helplessness I felt with both my own dad and then with my lovely mother in law. You are at the hardest stage when
your mum still has some of her faculties and is thus all the more confused and upset after an 'episode' as you put it.

We eventually found a care home for my mother in law as she needed more help than we were able to give. All I can offer
you for now is to continue do what you are doing in giving as much comfort and support as you can, and also keep doing
what you've done here - coming and sharing and seeking support because we will give it in spades mate. I know many of
your fellow modellers and friends here will have gone through what you are now and we will always encourage you and try
to keep you strong.
Cheers
Al.

[iggie]

Thinking of you all Mark, I'm sure all of us on UAMF will do whatever we can to help so just shout.
Again I'm certain we will all understand about your bench time; it's a hobby when all is said and done and family comes first every time always. That said, routine becomes ultra important in these cases so I think you are quite right to want to continue building to some degree to retain as much 'normality' as possible.
Take care bud...

[MarkyM607]

I am truly overwhelmed by your responses everyone, so a BIG thank you for that, your understanding and feelings!!. I am grateful, although sad that so many understand for the worst reason!. But I will remember your messages and hopefully we can plod on. Thank you.

[wokka]

Just to add my little bit, I work in an old peoples home and we don't deal with 1 or 2 with Dementia but probably half the residents have it. They is a therapy called Validation developed by an American lady called Naomo Feil. It probably is the best way to care for people with Dementia at the moment and the basic rules she has developed certainly help reduce confusion for the affected and stress for the carer. Good luck and you know where I am if you want to talk a bit more about caring for her.

[JohnRatzenberger]

Well, we certainly wish your family the best as you go through this.
You certainly have done a good job of communicating the situation to us - your folks would be proud.
Take care, all.

[jssel]

Be strong Mark. My brother is going through that from advanced Parkinson’s. It’s a hard transition and the C-19 makes visits difficult. Just take it one day at a time.

Peace to you.

[DGD]

That's heartbreaking Mark, I don't know you but your post brought tears to my eyes. While you need to look after your Mum you need to look after yourself also in such a stressful situation.

[MarkyM607]

Just to add my little bit, I work in an old peoples home and we don't deal with 1 or 2 with Dementia but probably half the residents have it. They is a therapy called Validation developed by an American lady called Naomo Feil. It probably is the best way to care for people with Dementia at the moment and the basic rules she has developed certainly help reduce confusion for the affected and stress for the carer. Good luck and you know where I am if you want to talk a bit more about caring for her.

Thank you Wokka, that's interesting, whether I can check it out i don't know, but it sounds helpful, And thanks for the talk thing, I might well take you up on that!.

Well, we certainly wish your family the best as you go through this.
You certainly have done a good job of communicating the situation to us - your folks would be proud.
Take care, all.

Thank you!, I hoped that I didn't go on too much, I can ramble in vocal and in print/text!!.

Be strong Mark. My brother is going through that from advanced Parkinson’s. It’s a hard transition and the C-19 makes visits difficult. Just take it one day at a time.

Peace to you.

Thanks Jssel, Parkinsons sounds more than horrible, not being able to visit sounds as bad!. At least I can see her regularly!. We'll go for the one day at a time thing, only way to go!. Hope your brother can be as good as possible.

That's heartbreaking Mark, I don't know you but your post brought tears to my eyes. While you need to look after your Mum you need to look after yourself also in such a stressful situation.

I was a little teary myself, sorry to affect you too! . I am trying to worry about myself but I've always wanted everyone else to be good first so I didn't feel guilty about worrying about number one!! . But i will try and get some model bench time, if only to distract me for a bit. I do go to work, which isn't really the break some think it is, I'm still thinking of them at home!.

Finally, very humbled and overwhelmed by the responses, shows the good bunch here, more than models can be tackled, at least in part!. I sort of posted to get it out of my system but now I'm glad I did as it has been heartwarming to hear your messages!. Mum was happy at the response, she thinks you are all lovely!! .

[H-bomb]

I'm so glad I've never had to go through what you and your family are going through, (touch wood) Keep smiling and have a heart felt virtual hug from me
Cheers Howard